Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Potty-Training My Computer

So I have literally been sitting here for TWO HOURS, trying desperately to get my computer to work. Somehow, I can have perfect internet on my phone, but when I try to get online on my laptop it says "connection timed out" over and over and over again.

You may think that this isn't really blog-worthy, and you're right, it isn't. But I just snapped back to reality and realized what I have been doing for the past (say it together....) TWO HOURS!!!

I came home from work tonight, hoping to have a nice relaxing evening, to watch a little bit of The Biggest Loser & Lost, but no, instead I am trying to negotiate with my computer. If I can remember correctly, this has been my schedule for the evening...

5:30-6:30 Come home from a long exhausting day, unwind, talk on the phone, do dishes, etc.

6:30- Change into sweats, crank the A.C., grab a ton of blankets,  a  HUGE glass of fruit punch, snacks and then I bundled up with the computer.

6:40- Open up the internet- no signal

6:50-7:10- Repeatedly turn the computer on and off

7:10-7:30 Repeatedly turn the modem off, wait three minutes, turn back on. I try to think of different excuses I can give my husband for throwing the computer against the wall.

7:30-7:50 Start saying my shallow, selfish prayer "please Lord, all I want to do is relax and cry with fat people, what am I doing wrong?" (I know, I am horrible) At this time, I have a very short 5 minutes where the internet actually was working.

7:50-8:20- Take a break, do laundry, grade some papers (with random internet checks). At one point during this period, I had the MacBook and Modem pretend that they were kissing.

8:20- Now my computer will connect for about 2 seconds at a time- I literally am cheering it on "you can do it!!" "stick with it!!" "come on!!!"  "you'll get a prize!!!!" - I start to realize that its sounds like I'm trying to encourage my MacBook to make a "doodoo" in the big people's toilet.

8:25-8:40 Go back and forth between giving up and trying again over and over and over. Now the computer is in time-out on the couch

8:40ish  The MacBook randomly changes its attitude and decides that its ready to be done with time out.

9:03 I'm now so traumatized by the whole experience that I'm writing a stinking blog post about it.

If this hasn't given you a peek into my pathetic, time wasting life, I don't know what will!

While posting this my internet crashed yet again!!!!

*Updated Update*
Remember that cup of fruit punch? Yeah, I just stepped in it.


  1. This is why I love you. Well, not just this..... This is a good example of a pretty big reason.

  2. thanks for sharing your blog with us Susi! I smiled that i got to read what happened with not so nice policeman who should have retired a very long time ago. He has a reputation around here.

    Just a side note,lol, but you came home turned on the A/C and then got a ton of blankets? :)

  3. The best part was when you stepped in your glass of juice!! Only you.... (can shake the mountains - really out of tune).....

  4. Hi Susi, I enjoyed finding and reading your blog. You are a great writer! Since it is the only connection I have to you now, I guess it will have to do. Sniff, sniff, tear, tear.

  5. That photo says it all. . . !

    (Not that I've wanted to do the same with this 8-year-old machine.)

    (OK, I have.)

    A Musician by Grace

  6. Sorry about the internet spazzing on you...and the fact that your husband has probably sent a torrent of Pectators your way...

  7. hi, your machine could be infected by a virus or an adware malware problem. AVG is an excelent anti viral program. and sybots search and distroy is good for malware, adware, and spyware. both have free versions on the net. I AM trust worthy, i am a deacon at grace community church. HAPPY COMPUTEING