Saturday, May 23, 2009

Walk Off the Pounds!

I'll be honest, I have never in my life completed a workout video. Its not necessarily because I'm lazy (although I am), its because I have never seen one that isn't ridiculous.

I have tried a few...

1. Cindy Crawford- I always felt awkward because there is no way that working out in a swimsuit could be comfortable. She just irritated me.

2. Taebo- You have got to be kidding me. There is no way I could ever kick that high not to mention all of his back up women look like men. I may have been crazy, but I was pretty sure I saw him training this poor lady by my apartment the other day. She was carrying two tires. I drove away as quickly as possible in fear that he might make me carry my car the rest of the way home.

3. Jillian Michaels- I actually ordered these, and they accidentally sent me two sets, but I'm pretty sure that Jillian told them to because she could sense how incredibly out of shape I was. Anyway, I tried it (at least a couple of minutes) but she would tell me to do something then break into hysterical laughter. No thanks, I'll stick with the love handles. 

4. Yoga- Sure, I love resting the arch of my foot on the small of my back. Lets just say the "praying locust" position and I didn't get along to well. How is that supposed to be a workout anyway? It just looks like she's trying her hardest to cut off the blood flow to her brain.

Ok, so I may have exaggerated a little when I told you that I had tried all of these. What I really meant is that I put on my work out clothes and tennis shoes, I put the DVD in, then I sit down and watch it. They always move too fast and I just end up looking like a retarded break dancer on crack.

 I don't ever really do any of the exercises, I just think about how stupid I would look if I tried. Then I turn off the DVD and change back into my normal clothes. I always feel quite accomplished when I'm through. I think it's because, in my mind, I really did workout.

Well, all that changed tonight. I recently (ok six or seven months ago) purchased an exercise video entitled "Walk Off the Pounds". Two things caught my attention.... 

The word "walk" & the instructor's eyebrows (they're huge!)

I decided, if bushy eyebrow lady could do it, so could I! I actually completed an entire session, and no I didn't just watch, I participated! The great thing about it is that you don't have to run, squat, kick above your ears or anything like that. You just have to walk. For the most part it was great!

There are a couple of weird things about it such as...

1. Her back up aerobics people won't shut up. They talk the entire time. Every once in a while the instructor will say, "ok ladies, how ya doin?" which then would be a perfect time for a quick "good" or "great" but instead its, "I just had a baby... keeps me up at night... my uncle has diabetes... I need to get rid of this flabby bottom... I have a major in psychology...." I'm not joking, they won't stop talking and its about the most random things.

2. I mentioned that she addresses them as "ladies". That would normally make sense except for the fact that there is one old man in the back. They never talk to him and he never talks back. Its like he just snuck on to the set and they don't know he's there.

3. Another weird thing to add to that is that the girls are all wearing a different outfit every work out, not gramps! He wears the same black pants and grey shirt.

4. Her eyebrows. They are the true star of the video. They probably even have their own agent. I sometimes misstep just because I can't stop staring at them.

Anyway, Grandpa aside, I really like this work out video! I'll let you know if anything happens to my love handles or the lady with the caterpillars on her forehead.


  1. So funny Sus! I've never made it through a workout video either, so it must be in our DNA ;) xoxo

  2. Oh my gracious goodness! I am laughing out loud! And I'm very curious about The Eyebrows.

    I used to do the Cindy Crawford tapes (you know, back in the day when they were videos) - although I could never get through the whole ab section. Never.

    But honestly, now that I have three boys I'm kind of afraid they'd walk in while I was exercising. It's not just that the sight of me in my sweats, attempting the things she does, would scar them for life, but they're old enough that I don't really want them watching her in the bathing suit either!


  3. I have "Walk Away the Pounds Express" videos with Leslie Sansone, but her eyebrows are groomed and her backup ladies hardly make a peep, so I'm thinking it must be a different group (although there is one old dude in the back). I get tired of her monologue, but otherwise I like it!

  4. Ok, I actually just google imaged "walk off the pounds" so I could see the eyebrows! No luck though!

  5. I bought a belly dance workout (very Song of Solomon, ya know), but it was so lame my daughter and I just watched it and laughed. I'm sure I burned some calories bringing it in from the mail box.

  6. i just was laughing so hard at this post. keep up the good work!