Friday, January 15, 2010

I Am Completely Insane

Well, it became quite clear to me this morning, as I received several kind text messages, that not everyone got the memo that we aren't having Penny today.

We went to what I thought was my last OB appointment last Wednesday and after praying and praying, Penny had indeed turned. I kinda figured she had since about the night before I experienced this mind blowing contraction out of nowhere. I was so thankful that I didn't have to have a c-section but then found out that the doctor couldn't induce me for Friday like we had originally been told, because I had made absolutely no progress. I very quickly realized that my family would miss the birth. I cried the rest of the appointment and the entire way home.

Just a quick note, I realize the hormones have completely taken over and I am officially out of my mind. If you read this and are annoyed by me, I'm right there with ya. Anyway... our doc (who we adore) told us to come back Monday to check and see if I had made any progress. My parents were actually boarding their flight and my sisters were set to fly out the next day. We had to cancel the girls flight and will now have to see if they are both able to come right after the birth.

You'd think that it would be no big deal, we are still having a beautiful (at least we hope so ;)), healthy, little girl sometime within the next few weeks, but for some reason my brain has not been able to compute it. I literally have felt like I lost my opportunity. Jonathan keeps telling me, "you do realize she's still there right? You are going to have her. Be thankful!". I realized in the wee hours of the morning that I actually thought I was never going to have her. Like this morning was her only chance and now I will be pregnant forever. I was shocked I got pregnant in the first place, then I was shocked that my body sustained the pregnancy. I was never really surprised that my body would triple in size :), but I realize again that I'm doubting its ability to actually give birth. I told you I'm crazy.

Sometimes it blows my mind to see how self focused and significant that I think I am. I can't believe the destruction and pain that is going on in Haiti and yet all I can think about is that I don't get to schedule things the way I would like them. Yuck. So much for holding this with an open hand! So, I think I've gotten a serious attitude check and hopefully I will enjoy this time I have before I'm a mom.

God has blessed us beyond what I could have ever imagined and I am so grateful that He has chosen us to be parents to little Penny! Can't wait to give you another update! Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers.


  1. Hey Susi, I know you have a ton of comments on Facebook, but I thought I would encourage you, too! I kept thinking I would be induced because of my bloodpressure and other issues, and it kept being delayed. I was so frustrated, just because I had my hopes up. If you can go 'naturally' without induction, DO IT. I was eventually induced right at 40 weeks, and it is top on my priority to try and avoid that with this Baby. But, God knows. It's amazing how all the events fells into place, and I'm SO THANKFUL my body was really ready when I was induced. God knows. It will go well, and you have amazing support.

  2. It's kind of funny how God rearranges our plans, shakes up our world, take any small control we thought we had and throws it out the window, but He is in control and your shiny little Penny will make her dramatic arrival when she is given the nod by her Heavenly Father. When it finally gets here you'll look back and say, "That went fast".

    We do have much to be thankful for and stand in awe that God can take two people, bring them together and make a little girl who looks just like her daddy.

    Well- maybe on your BD??

  3. BTW- we old people have a hard time reading this font color so close to the back ground color.

  4. Hey, Soooooseeee! It looks like one28 time over here, so I'm joining in.

    1. Leila is right - without induction (or slicing up your belly) is way more awesomer and you should want to go to there. Made even awesomerer with an epidural (Leila will disagree).

    2. I think if doctors really were following the Hippocratic oath, particularly the "do no harm" bit, they would tell all pregnant women that their due date was two weeks after it really was. Also, tt's sick and wrong to mess with your hormonal head by even hinting that your baby might come early. (Again, Leila will agree on that one.)

    3. My personal experience (which of course trumps all else)...I was convinced that Calvin would NEVER exit my body. I thought he was literally going to live in there forever. I cried every day. That pregnancy was awful and I had lost all hope of it ever ending. Not to mention the fact that I was terrified that my dislike of him would continue when he was born. Anyway, he did indeed come (without induction) just a few days after his due date, screaming like he was being tortured and I absolutely loved him. And the pregnancy ended! It really did! I promise Penny is coming!

    Love you!

    P.S. My word verification was "toses", which rhymes with your family's nickname for me. How nice. I feel so loved.

  5. You are so funny Susi. I miss you and wish you were here so we could all know your amazing husband and see Penny grow up. I have a very old friend who told me a sweet story the other day. It's kind of sad but I think you will like it anyway. She is dying of cancer and doesn't have that long here on earth. I asked her how she was doing with it all and she told me this: "Remember when I was pregnant with Marit and was 2 weeks late? I had convinced myself she was not coming out at all. Maybe my body had absorbed her! I used to say to her "come out little baby! It's so much nicer out here than it is in there. I know you love it inside and think it's great, but out here there are colors and smells and a family to love you! And that is just what God is telling me now. "I know you love it here on earth and you don't want to let go. I know there are all of those grandchildren you will never know, a husband who adores you and will grieve like crazy. Oh but if you only knew what is waiting for you here. It is beyond your wildest dreams."
    I love that story and I love her trust in her heavenly Father too. Love you and your whole entire family Susi. Praying for you!