Monday, February 22, 2010

An Adjustment

I literally only have like 5 minutes to write this post. I will even be surprised if I don't get interrupted in the middle of those 5 minutes :). I am amazed when I get to the end of the day and find out that the only things I've accomplished are eating a bagel and showering.

I cannot tell you how much I love being a mom. I'm not sure how great I am at it, but I do know that God has made me for this. I love Penny so much!! She is the biggest blessing to Jona and I. Yesterday she turned one month old and I can't even believe it! It feels like I just came home from the hospital yesterday. Sometimes it feels that way too.

Recovering from this c-section has been so weird. I have moments where I feel better than ever and then the next I feel like I just got cut open again. I am ready for these restrictions to pass. It's hard to not be able to drive or pick up anything, but I can see why they don't want you to.

Emotionally I have been a total wreck. I am so confused about the post partum depression stuff. I wouldn't say I'm depressed at all. As a matter of fact, I can't think of a time that I was happier. Its just that I am SO emotional!! I have at least one major break down every day and it's always over something so stupid. The other day I decided to let Penny "cry it out" because I was trying to get a couple of things done. She was screaming and I was afraid a blood vessel would burst in her little head or her eyeballs would pop out. When I finally decided to pick her up I discovered she was covered in poo. I know its not a big deal, but I felt SO bad. I don't know how long I cried about it afterwards. I love her so much that I don't want to do things that would cause her harm or discomfort. Before you skip right to the comments to tell me that I'm crazy and that if I love her I will eventually have to let it go, I understand all that. It's just that in the moment it seemed a little much.

Stupid huh? I am not a fan of the hormones. I wish that I could get back to normal, but it's obvious that God wants to teach me through this. My mother-in-law was such a huge comfort to me the other night. She gently told me that everything was okay and that everyone goes through this. I was so incredibly thankful for her encouragement to me.

Before you think that our home is just filled with poopy babies and free flowing tears, I have to tell you that it isn't. Jonathan and I laugh all the time at this cute little baby. She is so funny sometimes and it cracks me up that she was born with this permanent scowl on her face. It's like she is always saying, "really?! You can't do any better than that?". We call her "squeaker" and "monkey" and for some reason my weird husband has taken to calling her "beagle". She is going to be so confused about her animals in a couple of years. :)

Anyway, I'm loving this time. I wish that it would just stop and I could bask in every second of this little blessing! I'm shocked that Pen has actually stayed quiet long enough for me to post a couple of pictures of her!!

In explanation, a sweet friend and teacher over at SCCS offered to come over and take pictures of Penny. I had no idea how amazing they would turn out!! Thank you so much Darcy! We have another friend who will be coming over soon to take more pictures of her. We can't have enough of our little Monkey! :)

I think the only physical quality of mine that Pen has is my toes :)

Pen's has taken to smiling in her sleep.

She loves her tongue :)
By the way, an awesome woman from my home church, Gale Light, made
Penny the beautiful hat and blanket that she's laying on. I LOVE THEM!!

This is my favorite face Pen makes.
I always take it to mean she wants a kiss from her mama :)

This is my absolute favorite picture of the bunch!

Thank you so much Darcy!!


  1. These pictures are precious. I'm so glad you're loving being a mom. It's hard work, but so worth it. I love seeing God's grace carry us through the tough times. It seems like just when we can't go anymore He gives us the strength to keep going.

  2. Hang in there, Sooz! Your body will normalize and you'll start to feel more steady.

    Can't wait to hug little Penny again!

  3. She's SO perfect! Give her loves from Auntie Amy! :)

  4. the pic "This is my favorite face Pen makes.I always take it to mean she wants a kiss from her mama :)" Wow, she looks just like Jonathan! May the LORD bless and keep you, Mrs.Pecadillo. The LORD is with you in all these "little" trials. She (Penny) is soooo cute!